H. Biden asked:

Hey rattan. Im an excentric millionaire. It seems my retard dad suddenly has campaign money left over and I figured I might as well spend it on something cool. I'm willing to offer you 5 cents per character. You will have to live in the basement of my luxurious mansion. You will get a room and food 3 times a day, and a maid will suck you dry once a week. Once in a while I might show my guests my basement porno translation troll, they get to point and laugh at your misshapen form and throw half-eaten spareribs at you. Is that cool?

Throw in a stack of blank executive orders, and you've got yourself a deal. I have a sudden urge to nuke Connecticut.